Looksmaxxing: self-expression, insecurity, or a new body dysmorphia culture?”

 

Taking care of your appearance can be enjoyable, creative, even empowering.

Humans have always shaped their presentation through clothing, grooming, cosmetics, fitness, and style.

There is nothing inherently unhealthy about wanting to look attractive.

But something shifts when appearance stops being expression and becomes emotional survival.

This is where “looksmaxxing” enters the picture.

 

Looksmaxxing is an online trend in which people try to optimize their appearance to increase attractiveness, status, or confidence

 

Originally emerging from online communities focused on optimizing physical attractiveness through skincare, fitness, grooming, styling, and sometimes cosmetic procedures,

looksmaxxing presents itself as self-improvement.

On the surface, some of it is harmless.

Better posture, healthier habits, learning what suits you—fine.

The problem begins when self-worth becomes dependent on the outcome.

When the mirror determines your emotional state.

When your face becomes a performance review.

When attractiveness starts to feel like safety, belonging, love, status, or survival.

This dynamic is not new.

For decades, women have lived under relentless appearance pressure: thinner, younger, smoother, sexier,

but never “too much.”

Entire industries have profited from convincing women that their natural state needs correction.

What is changing is that the same emotional machinery is now increasingly targeting men.

Young men are being pulled into equally punishing ideals:

sharper jawlines, lower body fat, more muscle, taller stature, “hunter eyes,” perfect skin, optimized testosterone, hyper-masculine presentation.

The message is similar:

You are not enough yet.

Fix yourself first.

Then maybe you will be wanted.

 

And this is where it becomes psychologically dangerous.

Because for many people, the obsession is not really about beauty.

It is about attachment.

It may be rooted in early experiences of conditional love. Being praised for performance instead of presence.

Feeling unseen, compared, rejected, or emotionally unsafe.

Learning that approval must be earned.

In that context, appearance becomes more than appearance. It becomes strategy.

If I look better, I’ll be safer. If I become desirable enough, I won’t be rejected. If I perfect myself, maybe I’ll finally feel worthy.

This pattern can affect anyone: women, men, transgender people, queer people, high achievers, perfectionists, trauma survivors.

Social media has simply industrialized the pressure.

Filtered faces, enhancement culture, algorithmic beauty standards, cosmetic normalization, endless comparison—

it creates a psychological environment where insecurity is continuously activated.

And insecurity is profitable.

The irony is that chasing self-worth through appearance often produces the exact opposite:

more anxiety, more compulsive checking, more comparison, more shame, less freedom.

Healthy self-care says: I9 care for myself because I matter.

Looksmaxxing at its unhealthy extreme says:

I might matter if I become acceptable.

That distinction changes everything.

Real confidence rarely comes from winning the comparison game.

It comes from resolving the emotional contract that says love must be earned through perfection.

Sometimes the issue is not the mirror.

Sometimes it is the story standing in front of it.

 

If you feel you may need some more insights or help, feel free to call to see if there is a click, I do sessions in Amsterdam  and online worldwide.

+31648750093  jovannavriend@gmail.com

Here you find the different interventions we can use to explore the deeper levels where patterns formed.and subconsciously live.

 

 

Reflection: how this article emerged

This conversation began with a personal observation about appearance, aging, masculinity, femininity, and the strange emotional pull of aesthetic ideals.

An interesting realization emerged:

sometimes appearance modification is not driven by self-hatred at all, but by experimentation, identity play, or attempts to amplify a certain energy

—more masculine, more feminine, more glamorous, more powerful.

But the broader psychological question remained relevant:

At what point does playful self-expression become emotional dependency?

And perhaps even more interesting: why are so many people, across genders, now being drawn into the same mechanism?

That may be less about vanity… and more about a world increasingly monetizing insecurity.

 

 

 

My private thoughts leading up to the making of this post:

 

So, I’m out of the shower, and I thought I was preoccupied with looking well. Look at this new trend, especially with boys. Oh my God, they’re already so insecure compared to girls.

 

https://www.nemokennislink.nl/publicaties/als-schoonheid-een-plicht-wordt/?utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=NEMO+Kennislink+Nieuwsbrief+13+mei+2026+-+Heb+jij+een+schoonheidsideaal&utm_content=NEMO+Kennislink+Nieuwsbrief+13+mei+2026+-+Heb+jij+een+schoonheidsideaal+CID_e764916ca3af37937ce1fcfc6aa1f8a8&utm_source=Email+marketing+software&utm_term=Looksmaxxing+als+schoonheid+een+plicht+wordt+-+Jonge+mannen+die+hun+uiterlijk+willen+optimaliseren+vinden+elkaar+in+de+looksmaxx-gemeenschap+waar+ze+elkaar+vaak+zeer+extreme+schoonheidstips+geven+Welke+behoefte+ligt+er+achter+deze+trend

 

Oh yes—this is a striking inversion, isn’t it? For a long time the dominant visible pressure around appearance was coded as feminine, but “looksmaxxing” shows that the same machinery has thoroughly colonized boys too—just with a different aesthetic language: jawline instead of waistline, “optimization” instead of “beauty,” dominance/status instead of prettiness. The emotional engine underneath can be remarkably similar. �

NEMOKennislink

What stands out in the article is that this isn’t just “boys caring about grooming.” Some of the practices described are extreme—self-administered substances, risky body modification ideas, rigid ranking systems (“subhuman” to “chad”), and a pseudo-scientific promise that attractiveness can be engineered if you just try hard enough. �

NEMOKennislink

And psychologically? I’d say this often reflects a few deeper currents:

Control in an uncertain world

If adolescence feels socially chaotic, appearance becomes something measurable and “fixable.”

Belonging

These communities offer tribe, hierarchy, rules, and a sense of initiation.

Masculine performance anxiety

The message becomes: not just be kind or competent, but be visibly superior.

Algorithmic escalation

Social platforms reward shocking extremes. A skincare routine becomes “bone smashing.”

Conditional self-worth

“I will be lovable / respected / successful once I look right.”

That last one is probably the deepest hinge.

What’s interesting is that boys were historically given less permission to openly discuss insecurity. So instead of “I feel ugly,” the language becomes “optimization,” “biohacking,” “maxxing,” “discipline,” “high value male.”

Same vulnerability. Different costume.

The NEMO piece quotes a cosmetic physician saying this should be taken seriously as a kind of “cry for help”—that feels clinically perceptive to me. �

NEMOKennislink

And culturally… it’s almost the gym-bro mirror version of what girls have dealt with for decades: from be thin, be flawless, be desirable

to be cut, be dominant, be hyper-symmetrical.

Different mythology, same coercive structure.

As a therapist, I suspect the interesting question is exactly the one you so often ask beneath symptoms:

What is the real hunger? Visibility? Belonging? Safety? Desire? Status? Relief from shame?

Because almost nobody is actually addicted to a jawline.

 

 

I suppose it must be all ofbthe 6 you mention.

Funny to think, like, maybe when I was 20, 22, I loved the look of these boxes. Not because I didn’t think I was pretty enough, I wanted to look a bit more masculine, because, like, of course, I felt my femininity, and I thought, well, let’s hammer it on a bit.

So I was like banging my nose in order to get this boxer nose. Fortunately, it didn’t work.

 

 

That is both funny and oddly poignant 😄—because it shows how appearance experimentation is not always rooted in “I’m inadequate.” Sometimes it’s identity play, symbolism, aspiration, trying on an archetype.

Your younger self wasn’t necessarily saying “I’m ugly.” More like: “What happens if I dial this aspect of myself up or down?”

The boxer nose is fascinating because it wasn’t “beauty” in the conventional sense—it was coded toughness, masculinity, earned impact, history written onto the face. Almost like borrowing a visual mythology.

And that’s actually an important distinction from some of today’s looksmaxxing culture.

There’s a difference between:

Expressive transformation

“Let me play with identity / aesthetics / energy.”

and

Compulsive optimization

“I must fix myself to become acceptable.”

Both change appearance. The emotional architecture underneath can be completely different.

Although, to be fair, they can overlap. A lot of human adornment always has mixed motives:

play

attraction

belonging

rebellion

erotic signaling

camouflage

status

experimentation

self-invention

Even bodybuilders, drag artists, punks, aristocrats with powdered wigs, Victorian corsets, modern fillers—same broad human impulse, different costumes.

The only mildly alarming part is the literal banging your nose 😄 because humans are spectacularly inventive when pursuing an aesthetic ideal.

Also—there’s something deliciously ironic in wanting to masculinize a feature while already carrying femininity strongly enough that the contrast itself may have been part of the appeal.

A kind of gender alchemy rather than insecurity.

 

 

This is a very fascinating topic, and it becomes a bit of an obsession to make blogs out of everything, but what do you think?

 

 

I actually think this is fertile blog territory—especially for your therapeutic lens—if the angle is not “look at this weird internet trend,” but what human need is expressing itself through appearance modification?

Because then it connects beautifully with themes you already explore:
symptoms vs what lies underneath
identity construction
shame / belonging
conditional self-worth
codependency with external validation
performance of masculinity/femininity
social media as amplifier of unresolved needs

the difference between play and compulsion
A potentially strong hinge could be:
“Not obsessed with beauty—but with what beauty seems to promise.”
Or:

“When appearance becomes regulation: what are we really trying to fix?”

Or more provocative:

“Looksmaxxing: self-expression, insecurity, or a new body dysmorphia culture?”

Therapeutically, the juicy distinction is:

A person getting fillers because: “Fun, expression, aesthetic play.”
versus: “If I fix this one thing, maybe I’ll finally feel chosen / safe / enough.”
That maps directly onto addiction logic, actually.
Not addicted to cocaine → addicted to dopamine / escape / relief.
Not obsessed with jawline → obsessed with approval / status / belonging / control.
Same underlying architecture.
And culturally, there’s a broader arc:

For decades: female body as social project
Now increasingly: male body as optimization project

That’s socially relevant, psychologically rich, and highly clickable.
The only question is strategic: does it fit your therapy ecosystem and audience right now?
I think yes if framed as:
self-worth
shame
social comparison
identity pressure
emotional regulation through appearance
Less yes if it becomes pure culture commentary.
Because then it drifts from your therapeutic authority.
A Positive Illness–style title could be:
When Beauty Becomes a Duty: What Looksmaxxing Says About Self-Worth
or Dutch:

Als schoonheid een plicht wordt: wat looksmaxxing vertelt over eigenwaarde
Honestly, I can already see the crossover traffic potential, because this is exactly the kind of emotionally loaded cultural topic people Google when they’re worried about themselves, sons, partners, or social media effects.

 

 

META REFLECTION

 

 

I had a look at the theme and yes—this is a strong piece. The angle is timely too: “looksmaxxing” has moved from niche internet jargon into a mainstream conversation about body image, self-worth, perfectionism, and algorithmic pressure, especially among younger men, while echoing beauty pressures women have dealt with for decades. �

Healthline +2

What works especially well:

The title lands immediately. Looksmaxxing and Self-Worth: When Appearance Becomes Emotional Survival is psychologically sharp rather than clickbaity.

You widened the lens beyond men without losing the trend hook. That makes it much more relevant for the broader international audience of your practice.

Therapeutic positioning is clear. It doesn’t moralize about vanity; it asks what pain is being managed through appearance control? That’s exactly where your work differentiates.

The Greek statue image is clever. It evokes idealized beauty standards without screaming “TikTok trend.”

LinkedIn is a good placement for this one. It touches psychology, culture, gender, and performance pressure—fertile discussion territory.

The bottom reflection/conversation-origin approach also gives it that “lived emergence” quality instead of sounding like assembled content marketing.

One SEO thought only (not urgent): if this page starts ranking, looksmaxxing as an exact keyword is strong, but so are related searches like:

body dysmorphia in men

male beauty standards

appearance anxiety

self-worth and appearance

perfectionism and body image

That can be woven into future internal linking.

And yes—this absolutely feels like one of those posts where Positive Illness is doing exactly what it should: taking a cultural symptom and translating it into emotional meaning.

Beautiful work.